What is the reason for these feelings? What happened to the greatness of the relationship, the sparks of passion, the happiness that caused the two of you to form a romantic bond?
After reading a great post by Barrie Davenport, I found the answer I always knew was there – apathy.
And the main problem? You might not know it’s even there until it’s too late.
Apathy is hard to overcome in a relationship because, by definition, apathy replaces passion and motivation. It is an empty feeling that can take over your entire being, turning your once feelings of strong, deep love into a pit of nothingness. Maybe you have suffered so much in your relationship, maybe he stopped trying, maybe the feelings are just gone (or were never there to begin with – different subject.)
Apathy is controlling you. And it is destroying you and your relationship.
The first sign of apathy is the most common experience; being or taking someone for granted. Your significant other’s uniqueness no longer interests you. You expect him to fall into his “role” in the relationship. He no longer wants to put effort into the small things – the signs of affection and affirmation you need – because of the routine the relationship has fallen in to. And when one partner is apathetic, it quickly affects the other and spreads through the entire relationship. The disconnect can lead to the end of even the strongest and longest of relationships.
Then you might experience the other signs – lack of emotional and physical intimacy, lack of communication and declining quality time – all of which tear down your relationship. Conflicts, if they arise at all, are not discussed and resolved properly, and one or both members of the relationship can feel like their interests are not important. This can lead to feelings of resentment or loneliness, which can damage future relationships.
The worst kind of pain is emotional pain. And apathy is the queen of emotional pain.
All of the self-help articles will tell you that you need to communicate openly and honestly, but what if you have tried and it doesn’t work? How can you make your partner respond to your invitation for communication? What if you want to salvage what is left of the relationship you once had but the task seems impossible? Is there a way?