Lessons I’ve learned from being on both sides of a romantic relationship

There are always those relationships that you’re just kind of in.

You know. The one where you’re just sitting on the couch ignoring each other.
Or the one where he doesn’t seem to get that you’re really just not interested.
OR the one where you honestly don’t care whether you guys are together or not and constantly question why you are even in the relationship at all. Et cetra.

The rut.

I’ve been there.

And when I did get into a relationship I actually cared about, I saw all of the warning signs that I, myself, had given off when I was on the other side; the “not texting back for hours because I don’t actually care if you know what I’m doing” scheme, the “I don’t try to change you so why do you try to change me” guilt trip, and the general selfishness, assholey-ness and don’t-give-a-crap attitude.

Call it karma, but it sucked being on the other side.
The side where you give your all for nothing.

You perform selfless gestures to show your affection and are taken for granted.
You plan your day around that person not because you “need” them, but because you enjoy spending time with them and have the flexibility to do so. But they don’t do the same for you.
And you stick around because you’re hoping for some glimpse of them that you saw at the beginning.

And I know you think you love the other person – why else would you be doing all of these things for them?

But I am here to tell you that you deserve better.
You deserve to be treated equally within a means.
You deserve to be appreciated, to be wanted and to be loved.

And they don’t love you back.
Or they would be doing the things that make you happy, just because they want to see you happy. Especially if you have brought up the fact that you aren’t happy.
And they wouldn’t care that your legs are prickly from not shaving for two days.
Or that you don’t feel like wearing your hair down sometimes.
And they wouldn’t let you continue to feel like you’re not important even after having a mature discussion about the relationship.

You do deserve more. Even though that honeymoon phase can fade sometimes, there is still a certain level of passion that is above everything else. It isn’t all rainbows and sunny skies, but it is a mutual respect, a mutual understanding and a mutual passion that you should share with each other that holds a certain beauty.
It’s a good morning smile and kiss even though you have morning breath.
It’s noticing the imperfections that you may not like but you love them anyway.
It’s a back scratch, a foot rub, a massage just because you know they love it.

And it’s okay to want these things. Because it’s okay to want to be wanted.

So don’t let them confuse you about feeling wanted and being needy – there’s a distinct difference between the two.
Want to know what it is?

Whether they love you or not.

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